Strength of the Pack - Section Six

[welfycat]

Back to the Master Post





Section Six

Aaron looked up from the file spread out in front of him on the kitchen table. Any time one of his team was injured, especially when it required ambulances and hospital visits, Aaron found himself with a guilt inducing pile of paperwork. No matter how many times he reminded himself that Derek and Jason were both fine, that he had seen them both active and readily speaking, he couldn't help but remember being across the building when the explosion had shaken everything and sent down a cloud of dust and debris. He knew that they were actually lucky no one had died, not even the unsub, but when he listed the multiple lacerations, Derek's mild concussion and amount of time they'd spent in the emergency room due to smoke inhalation he wasn't so sure.

Derek sat down across from him, a cup of tea cradled in his hands, and peered at the paper work. "They always make it sound worse than it is."

Aaron raised one of his eyebrows. Even though he and Derek had spent most of the night in their forms Derek still had a bandage across one of the deeper cuts on his forehead and was sitting stiffly.

"I'm fine. Gideon's fine. It's part of the job," Derek said. He sipped at his tea and flipped open the newspaper Aaron had collected off the front steps of the house early in the morning.

Aaron nodded, though his guilt wasn't particularly assuaged. He did this every time one of his pack was hurt and they both knew that it would take a few days before Aaron had thought through every aspect of the case and either decided that they'd taken every reasonable action and precaution or that there was a practical lesson they could take away from the situation.

"Do you want breakfast?" Aaron asked. His instincts to make sure that his pack was safe, and that included warm and fed, tended to go into overdrive while he worked through the aftermath of these cases. The rest of the pack would probably be over that evening, where they would hover near him until Garcia deemed it safe enough to make a joke about him mothering all of them.

"Omelet with cheese and chives and hot sauce?" Derek asked, looking up from the front page of the newspaper.

Aaron smiled and abandoned his pen and the file on the table. Their eating habits were dissimilar in a lot of respects and under most circumstances Aaron would have pointed Derek to the drawer where they kept the pots and pans. But, after a semi-serious injury to his mate, Aaron was far more susceptible to suggestion than he should be. "Hash browns too?" he called from inside the kitchen.

"If we have any on hand. Don't go to any trouble," Derek called back, the sound of the newspaper rustling in the background.

Aaron was certain if he poked his head into the dining room he'd see Derek with a serious expression that had been a smirk only seconds previously. He poured himself another cup of coffee, his third for the morning, as fortification. Breakfast was actually the meal he was best at cooking but that didn't mean it still couldn't potentially turn into a minor disaster.

He'd just placed the pan on the stovetop and bent down to get the carton of eggs from the fridge when he realized something was wrong. He stood up and let the fridge door fall closed. Something wasn't wrong, exactly, but it was unexpected at least.

Derek was standing in the doorway from the dining room only a few seconds later, frowning as he looked back and forth in the direction of the street. "Do you...?"

Aaron nodded and walked to the front door with Derek just a half pace behind him. He opened the door, shivering a little in the early February chill, and stared out at the couple inches of snow that covered the front yard and the street. It was still early on a Saturday morning and very few cars and pedestrians had disturbed the new layer of snow that had fallen during the night.

Thirty seconds after Aaron opened the door a figure walked into view. Aaron recognized it as Spencer immediately, much as he had recognized Spencer's presence as soon as he'd entered the area near the house. Aaron could generally reach out and feel the distant presence of each member of his pack from his home as they all lived within a reasonable distance of Quantico.

He stepped out onto the front porch, ignoring his bare feet and thin shirt, and merely raised an eyebrow at Spencer's rather awkward wave from the end of the front walk.

"Get in here before you freeze to death," Derek called, not quite shouting. He'd stepped out onto the front porch next to Aaron and didn't go back inside even when Aaron glared.

Spencer hurried as well as he could through the snow and stumbled in an uncoordinated slide up to the front steps. "Sorry," he said, sounding a little breathless.

"Come in," Aaron said. He waved Derek back into the house and ushered Spencer in behind him.

Spencer pushed off the oversized hood to his coat once inside, his noise and cheeks both bright red from the cold. "Sorry, I'm kind of dripping on your floor."

Aaron closed the front door and quickly repressed any trace of panic that Spencer's sudden appearance had elicited. "Don't worry about it. Take off your coat."

"Don't tell me that you walked all the way here," Derek said. He didn't give Spencer a chance to take off his coat by himself and was unzipping the garment as he spoke.

"Of course not," Spencer said, making a futile effort to brush Derek's hands away from him. "I took the bus from Gideon's neighborhood to the stop that's three blocks north of here."

Aaron took Spencer's coat and realized that Spencer's pants were soaked up to his knees. "I'm going to go get you something to wear. Go get some coffee and sit down."

"But Gideon's missing," Spencer said insistently, smoothing his hair where the hood had left it in a tangle. "He was gone when I got up this morning, which was pretty early, and he didn't come back or answer his cellphone when I called."

Aaron paused on the first step and looked back. "Alright," he said after a moment of consideration and then continued up the staircase.

"Alright?" Spencer asked.

Aaron overheard Derek telling Spencer that everything was fine and then asking him why he hadn't just called them instead of taking the bus. Trusting that Derek would take care of Spencer for a few minutes, Aaron walked into their bedroom and shut the door behind him. He leaned against it and took a slow and steadying breath. It took a moment to remind himself that he knew where Jason would be, because it was where Jason always went when he needed some space to think - his deep depression following the Boston bombings notwithstanding. He'd realized on the flight back home that the bomb detonating while there were team members in the vicinity had probably triggered some of Jason's residual PTSD, but Aaron hadn't thought that Jason would actually leave the area when the pack needed him. Maybe the reminder of the bombing had been worse than Aaron had anticipated.

He took his cellphone out and held down Jason's speed dial button. He didn't expect a response, and wouldn't get one if Jason was at his cabin, but Aaron figured it was best to check that Jason hadn't just slipped out early to the grocery store and gotten distracted somewhere. The call went directly to Jason's voicemail and Aaron shut his phone without letting the mechanical voice finish telling him to leave a message. He closed his eyes and cast out with his senses, feeling the presence of Derek and Spencer downstairs in the dining room, and then moving beyond the walls of the house.

JJ and Garcia were in their home to the west, close together and almost unmoving. Aaron decided that they were most likely asleep and continued his search. The area near Jason's house seemed vacant, harder to sense when there wasn't a member of his pack there to anchor him, and when he'd completed slow search of the town surrounding him Aaron opened his eyes.

Decision made, Aaron went to the second guest room, the one that usually served as a second office when Spencer wasn't staying with them, and took a pair of sweatpants and socks from the closet where Spencer kept a few changes of clothes. His form wasn't big enough yet that he could accidentally destroy his clothes when shifting, but Aaron always tried to be prepared no matter the occasion.

Derek was talking quietly when Aaron reentered the dining room, while Spencer sat at the edge of his chair and flipped a pen between his fingers in an almost hypnotic motion.

Aaron handed the clothes to Spencer, who promptly dropped the pen he'd been making dance in his hands only seconds earlier. This only reinforced Aaron's perception that Spencer was quite capable and even coordinated, but only when he thought other people weren't watching. Spencer fled the table without waiting for instructions.

"How is he?" Aaron asked, pitching his voice low because he knew Spencer's enhanced sense of hearing was still in the process of developing. It shouldn't be more than a few months more before Spencer would be able to pick out conversations within the pack as easily as Jason or Garcia.

"Well, he drank two cups of coffee and solved all the puzzles in the newspaper," Derek said, as he nudged the paper filled with Spencer's untidy handwriting towards him. "He feels guilty. He thinks he should have woken when Gideon left. I tried to tell him that Gideon just does this after bad cases, but he's still worried about it."

Aaron nodded because that's exactly how he would have placed Spencer's reaction if he'd thought that this would have happened. Part of him was quietly furious at Jason for abandoning a cub, even though Spencer was an adult and perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He had thought Spencer's presence in Jason's house would have been enough to keep Jason stationary for the time being, but Aaron knew very well that one of his greatest blind spots was his unwavering belief in the sense of duty that came with pack and team.

"You'll go after him?" Derek asked.

It was at that moment, seeing the tilt of Derek's head and his strained jaw, that Aaron realized that Derek was angry as well - far more angry than he would have guessed. "I'll drive to his cabin later in the day."

Derek frowned to cover the flash of surprised that crossed his features. "Not now?"

"You're hurt and we have a distressed cub," Aaron said. There was no doubt in his mind where he was needed most.

"Go. Talk with him before he talks himself into leaving again," Derek said with a quick shake of his head. "Spencer and I can take care of each other just fine."

Aaron was about to object when Derek added, "please."

"I'll go as soon as you're both settled here," Aaron said, leaning into Derek's hands. They sat together for a moment, drawing strength from each other.

Spencer returned soon after, still a little ruffled but looking much warmer.

"What do you want for breakfast, Spencer? I was just about to make Derek an abomination of an omelet," Aaron said, smiling in Derek's direction at the minor insult. When Spencer just looked confused and worried, Aaron interrupted him before he could try to form the question. "I'll go check on Jason after breakfast. I have a pretty good idea where he is."

"Okay," Spencer said after a moment, still sounding uncertain, and he sat down at the table.

"Good," Aaron said, proud that Spencer trusted him enough to let him take care of Jason and the resulting situation. "What will it be? I can do eggs, toast, and occasionally bacon."

*****

"Call us if you need us," Derek said. He stood at the bottom of the stairs, his arms folded in a failed attempt to hide his fluctuation between irritation and concern. Spencer was standing a few steps behind him, his concern far more obvious.

Aaron's clothes, his slacks close to what he'd wear at Quantico while his shirt and jacket were more informal, showed that he was torn between providing empathetic support for a friend and bringing an errant pack and team member back in line.

Derek couldn't help but hope that the pack leader in Aaron won out over the sympathetic friend. Gideon needed help, that much was true, but Derek was exhausted from his inconsistent presence on the pack and team and he wasn't about to let Gideon do the same to Spencer.

"We'll be fine," Aaron said.

Derek assumed that the projected confidence was for Spencer's sake since Derek could see right through it. "We're only a phone call and an hour's drive away."

"I know," Aaron said, stepping into Derek's space so that their faces were almost touching. "And that drive is closer to an hour and a half."

"When you're driving." Derek relaxed a little as he touched his cheek to Aaron's. "Bring him home."

"I will." Aaron stepped back. "I'll be back before nightfall. If you're feeling up to company invite JJ and Garcia for dinner tonight. Don't overtax yourself."

Derek ignored the way Aaron's expression said that he'd try to bring Gideon back with him but wasn't absolutely certain he could. "Me and pretty boy here will be just fine," Derek said, walking to where Spencer had stepped away.

Aaron shot him a warning look, and Derek smiled innocently. They hadn't yet had the opportunity to talk with Spencer about their intention to include him in their relationship. Aaron had begun the slow process of making inroads with Spencer and they'd intended to let that friendship and trust stabilize before they suggested anything more. Derek wouldn't mess that up, even though he'd enjoyed his own task of carefully broaching Spencer's personal space piece by piece to help him become more comfortable with physical contact. JJ and Garcia, mostly Garcia, were unwitting accomplices in Derek's plan, but he sometimes got the idea that they knew more than they were letting on.

When Aaron hesitated in the doorway once more, Derek fought his desire to ask Aaron if he wanted them to come with him. It would be most effective if Aaron confronted Gideon alone, but Derek was willing to sacrifice that advantage if Aaron needed him there. "Go. We're fine," he said, knowing that Aaron would go if it was them he was worried about.

Aaron nodded and grimly turned away. He was out the front door before they could say anything more.

"Well, my vote is that we spend the rest of the day with our feet up," Derek said. He took Spencer's arm, just above the elbow with a light enough grip that it would be easy for Spencer to pull away if he wanted, and guided him into the living room. "What do you want to do?"

Spencer sat down on the armrest of the couch, about two feet away from where Derek had settled. "I've already read everything in the house," he said as if that answered the question.

"You didn't get to all of today's newspaper. Just the puzzles," Derek pointed out.

"I read the paper at Gideon's house while I was waiting to see if he'd show back up," Spencer said with a graceless shrug.

Derek nodded because of course Spencer had. "Which reminds me, you never asked my question about why you didn't just call us instead of taking the bus over here. We would have come to you, you know."

"I know," Spencer said a little bit too quickly. "I just kinda forgot I had a cellphone. I was calling Gideon from the home phone, and it never really crossed my mind that I could call Aaron and tell him that Gideon had gone missing."

"You forgot you had a cellphone?" Derek asked with disbelief. "You have an IQ of like 200."

"187," he corrected automatically before he shrugged again and looked away. "I never really had one before I joined the team and Garcia set mine up. I barely know how to use it and I almost never get phone calls on it. I never really had anyone to call before and even now I don't really. When we're on cases I'm always with you or Aaron, and if someone wants to talk with me they just have you hand over your phone. It's like I'm an extension of both of you."

Derek felt that way sometimes as well, but somehow he didn't think that Spencer viewed that as a good thing. "You don't feel like we treat you as your own person?" he asked, reaching for whatever it was that Spencer was trying to broach.

"No, not at all." Spencer was rapidly shaking his head. "It's just different."

Derek thought there was more to it than that but he could see that Spencer was already distressed from the days events. This was a conversation that could wait for later; the Gideon conversation was one that could not. "You know it's not your fault that Gideon left, right?"

"I know," Spencer said, his restless hands making their own statement. "It has to do with the bombing in Boston. Having the bomb explode with both of you in the building triggered the same emotions and memories that nearly made him leave the BAU before he found me, right?"

"That's part of it," Derek agreed. He couldn't say that standing in a building that had been exploding around him had done a lot of good for him either. There had been a moment when he realized there was nothing he could do but find as much cover as he could while parts of the building came down around him. He'd covered himself the best he could and hoped that Gideon had found somewhere safe because he'd lost sight of him as soon as the noise had temporarily deafened them and the dust had started raining down. While he waited the only thing that had been on his mind had been mentally reaching for Aaron, the presence of the team in the nearby area a promise that he would make it through.

"And the rest of it?" Spencer asked, his voice quiet. He'd pulled his feet up on the couch cushion with his legs roughly crossed and was watching Derek with a carefully guarded expression.

Derek frowned as he thought. "Gideon doesn't do well when he's wrong. He made the call in Boston that the unsub wouldn't set off the explosive and he told Aaron that he was certain. People - agents - died because of that. It's happened to all of us at one point or another. We're forced to make the best decision we can with the facts that are available to us and it turns out to be the wrong one. And then someone dies because of that decision and sometimes the unsub gets away. But Gideon isn't used to being wrong. I think he's almost forgotten how to be."

"But he wasn't the one who made the call this time. Aaron's the one that had us looking through the buildings and the bomb could have been anywhere. We didn't have enough information about the unsub to even hazard a guess as to whether or not he would have rigged explosives," Spencer said.

"That's not quite the point," Derek said, grimacing at the reminder that it had been Aaron who had split up the teams and designated search areas; Aaron would feel guilty about that long after the injuries he and Jason sported had healed and faded. Derek refrained from imagining Aaron and Spencer inside the explosion and only having his sense of them to assure himself that they were still alive. "If Gideon had told Aaron to send the bomb squads in, Aaron would have listened to him. To Gideon, that's just as bad as giving the order to go in."

They were both silent for a few minutes, Spencer's fingers running repetitively over the inner seam of his sweatpants while Derek tipped his head back and rested it against the couch. He was still tired, explosions and injuries and worrying took up all the energy he usually directed at taking out unsubs and racing through the forest in his form.

"Hotch isn't sure that Gideon will coming back," Spencer observed.

"Aaron isn't sure that Gideon will stay," Derek corrected. "If Gideon tried to leave the pack without formally addressing Aaron, Aaron would feel compelled to follow him and bring him back. Gideon wouldn't force Aaron to do that. And Aaron won't let Jason leave for good until he's said goodbye to the entire pack. Gideon isn't going to get to disappear without letting us know first."

"Everyone leaves," Spencer said. His voice and expression were completely blank and he seemed like he didn't even know he had spoken.

Derek's chest hurt and it wasn't from the residual bruising that covered him from his sternum to his lower left ribs. Aaron's warnings that Spencer could choose to leave them hadn't gone from Derek's mind, even though Derek couldn't see that ever happening. Spencer was like a piece that had been missing from all of them before; the team and pack could function without him, but he filled in some of the places that had previously echoed empty. More importantly, Spencer needed them and not just to learn to shift. Spencer had forgotten that he could call him and Aaron simply because Spencer had never had anyone he could call when he needed help before.

"Grab that blanket and come sit," Derek said, pointing to one of the quilts that was folded in a basket near the fireplace.

"I'm already sitting," Spencer pointed out, but he got to his feet and retrieved the blanket and shook it open.

"But you weren't sitting with me." Derek patted the cushion next to him and Spencer spread the blanket over Derek's lap before sitting next to him. Derek adjusted the blanket so it was covering both of them, which forced Spencer to scoot a few inches closer in order to stay under.

"Do you want more tea? Or a pillow?" Spencer asked, his eyes landing the bandage on Derek's head.

Derek smiled. "Nope. I just want to sit here next to you for a while."

"I can read to you if you want," Spencer said. When Derek's hand wave pointed out the lack of books in the vicinity Spencer blushed lightly. "Well, recite I suppose. Pretty much anything I've read before."

"Okay, you pick. Whatever you'd like to read," Derek said.

Spencer started on something that Derek didn't immediately recognize beyond the fact that it was some sort of Renaissance era literature. He smiled when Spencer made himself comfortable and wound up with one of his knees resting against Derek's thigh.

*****

Aaron checked the clock on the dashboard when he pulled onto the gravel driveway that would turn out at Jason's cabin after five minutes. It had taken him an hour and twenty minutes to reach Jason's cabin from his and Derek's home. Aaron parked near the side of the cabin, where Jason could look out the window and see whose car it was, and vowed that he was going to have to do something about Derek's driving. Apart from being unsafe, it just felt wrong for a federal agent to so flagrantly and repeatedly disobey the law.

He walked to the front door and knocked. There was no answer but Aaron could feel that Jason was inside. After a moment, Aaron turned the handle and went inside. Jason didn't ever lock his cabin when he was inside. There were muddy wet paw prints on the wooden floor that disappeared into the bedroom and Jason was sitting on the windowsill that looked out into the forest. Jason had a set of deep scratches on his cheek that hadn't quite healed yet and the one hand that was resting on his knee was heavily bruised. The maroon terry-cloth robe that he wore was ratty and an open hole in one of the armpits was evidence that Jason had shifted more than once while still wearing it.

Aaron felt a small ache of concern. He could only recall once when he'd ever seen Jason shift when it was beyond his control. He had seen Jason deep in sorrow, absolutely furious, and almost broken, but none of those things had ever forced the man to shift before. Shutting the door behind him, Aaron walked the small space and pulled up the desk chair so that he was sitting across from Jason and angled looking out the window as well.

"Was it a mistake to ask you to come back to the BAU?" Aaron asked. The question could have seemed self-centered or like Aaron was trying to take the blame for Jason's situation, but his tone held nothing more than honest curiosity.

Jason didn't turn away from the window. "No," he said after a long pause.

Aaron nodded and waited. He'd had enough experience with Jason in the past to know that Jason would give him more information if he let him. A low wind unsettled lingering snow from the branches of a nearby tree, the flakes shimmering in the weak rays of sunlight as they poured to the forest floor.

"I would have come back. Even if I hadn't found Spencer, or even if you hadn't asked me, I would have been come back to the team. It might have taken longer, but I would have made my way back." Jason flexed his bruised hand, his fingers tucking in to form a fist momentarily. "I'm not the man I used to be, Aaron."

Bitting back every thought that immediately came to mind, he sat with that for a moment. Jason, as indirect as he ever was, was telling him something important. Aaron was going to lose his pack member, teammate, and friend if he didn't decipher what that was. "The job changes us more quickly than circumstances might allow otherwise," Aaron finally said. It didn't feel like quite the right thing, which was only confirmed when Jason slowly shook his head.

"Everyday we stare into the abyss. We stand on the crumbling edge and call out to it, taunt it to come and get us," Jason said, his voice deceptively mild. "We look into the darkness until one day we find it watching us back. That's what changes us."

Aaron swallowed to clear the constriction in his throat. He hadn't come here to get into some kind of deep philosophical debate with Jason, even though Jason would undoubtably suggest that was the only type of discussion they could have at this point. "Taking another leave of absence isn't going to help," he said.

"No, it wouldn't," Jason agreed. "And I wouldn't go anyway. The team - the pack - needs me right now. But that won't always be the case."

He hadn't planned on bringing up the pack, but since Jason had broached the subject Aaron decided it was fair game. "You do realize that Spencer was quite distraught when he couldn't find you this morning?"

"I do," Jason said with a solemn nod. His uninjured hand reached up to touch the healing marks on his cheek. "I'd assure you that it won't happen again, but right now that's not a promise I'm sure I will keep."

Aaron's gaze strayed back to the slowly drying paw prints on the otherwise immaculate floor. He wondered how much it had cost Jason to venture back through the forest to the cabin and retake his human form so that Aaron could speak with him.

"He should come live with you and Derek," Jason added. He turned so that he was looking at Aaron for the first time since his arrival.

"You think that's a good idea?" Aaron asked, a little surprised by Jason's suggestion. He was aware that Jason considered himself Spencer's mentor, though Derek had fought a quiet and determined battle for that title, and he hadn't thought that Jason would so easily relinquish the extra time he could spend discussing theories and providing insight.

Jason touched his cheek again and refocused his attention to the window. "Spencer is a capable young man and if I'm not mistaken, which I'm not, you and Derek have taken to him quite well. Better than I would have expected considering you didn't want him on the team when you first saw him. Of course, you reacted negatively to Derek's presence for the first few weeks as well."

Aaron wasn't surprised to learn that Jason knew of their interest in Spencer, it was all in their body language that couldn't entirely be stifled. "What about you?" he asked, redirecting the conversation away from Spencer.

"What about me?" Jason asked. It sounded like he was asking that question of himself as well.

"You don't want to take a leave of absence. You want Spencer to come and stay with me and Derek. What are you going to do, Jason? Keep going on cases until there's another explosion or until we lose someone else?" Aaron sat straight, hating himself a little for what he was doing. "Because it's going to happen. We don't catch them all. We make mistakes."

"We can't change the past," Jason finished. "I honestly wonder if we can change the future, or if we are just deluding ourselves."

Aaron shook his head and stood. "That's something only you can decide for yourself. You know what I think, because I wouldn't be here otherwise."

Jason was quiet for a long moment, moving to cradle his injured hand in his lap as he stared intently. "Spencer came to you. Told you that I had gone missing."

"He did," Aaron agreed, wondering why they were back on the subject of Spencer.

"That's good. I'm glad, very glad." Jason stood. "I'm going to go run again. I'll be back at Quantico on Monday. I trust that if you aren't intending to keep Spencer at your house for the interim you'll set him up with the rest of the team until another situation can be arranged."

"I need to know what you intend to do," Aaron said, moving subtly so that his body blocked both the front entrance and the door to the other rooms of the cabin.

Jason watched Aaron's shift in stance and lifted up his jaw to expose his neck in surrender. "I'll continue in my current position on the team and when it is time, I will leave. Maybe travel for a little while."

"You know you don't have to be on the team in order to stay in the pack," Aaron said, though he already knew he had very little chance of dissuading Jason from his intentions.

"You believe that I could remain here in Virginia and watch idly as the rest of the pack places themselves in the line of fire, knowing that every time one of you came home wounded or defeated I would wonder if I could have protected you?" Jason asked. "You're my pack leader now, Aaron, but in all the ways that matter most, to me you will always be the half-grown cub that stumbled into the BAU thinking he was all grown."

Aaron understood immediately. He couldn't imagine sending his pack into danger without him at their sides. "You will not disappear when it is time. You will come to me and you will come to the pack and let them say goodbye."

Jason paused, his expression weary turning to resolved and then nodded. "I will. You have my word. In return, I need you to take Spencer now instead of when I leave. He doesn't need to be in the house if I can't control my shifting. I don't want anyone to see me that way."

"Spencer can stay with us if that is what he wants," Aaron agreed. It would complicate things, to be certain, but that couldn't be helped. "I don't like leaving you out here alone while you're injured."

"My cabin is perfectly safe as are the lands around it. It's the best place to for me to heal without Spencer worrying over me every half hour," Jason said firmly.

Aaron winced sympathetically and briefly wondered if he'd done Derek a favor by leaving him with Spencer. "I don't like you being completely alone; turn on your phone. We won't call, but have it on. Be back on Monday."

"I said I would." Jason walked around Aaron and out the front door, pausing to leave his robe on the small table just inside. He shifted and his form lifted his front paw and licked at it before he lopped off into the woods.

Aaron walked back to Jason's bedroom and found his cellphone sitting on the nightside table. He turned the phone on and listened to the voicemail messages, two from Spencer in the early morning, and deleted them before placing the cellphone where he'd found it. He checked to make sure the large dog door in the front door was unlatched so Jason could get inside and closed the door behind himself on his way out.

This hadn't been the conversation he'd hoped to have, but it wasn't the worst case scenario either. Jason would come back to them for now, but Aaron had gotten the sense shortly after Jason had returned from his recruitment tour that they were on borrowed time.

*****

Aaron could sense that the rest of the pack had gathered long before he pulled into the driveway. He felt a little guilty about not bringing Jason back with him. He'd be able to tell them that Jason would be back, but the fact that he wasn't there with him at that moment would tell them all that they needed to know about Jason's eventual intentions. He sat in the car for a moment, his head tipped back and his eyes closed as he reminded himself he was doing everything he could for his pack. The pack meant everything to him. The pack was everything.

He got out of the car before someone got worried and came out to find him. Someone had already shoveled the sidewalks and the walkways that led up to the house. Aaron spotted two shovels leaning together next to the front steps and hoped that Derek had enough common sense to let JJ and Spencer take care of the task. Taking off his shoes and jacket, Aaron sighed and hung up his jacket next to Garcia's thick coat. He couldn't delay any longer and the relative silence from the living room told him that they already know Jason wasn't with him.

The scene inside the living room was cozy; the pack - all in their human forms - settled in front of the fireplace with cards scattered between them. From the look of things JJ was fleecing them all at poker again and from the cards that Aaron could see in Spencer's hand, they was letting her.

Spencer looked up at his entrance, obviously concerned but without any of the blame that Aaron had anticipated.

"Come sit, you're probably freezing. There's a pot of coffee in the kitchen, and there should be some left if this one," JJ gave Spencer a particularly threatening look, "didn't already get to it."

"There's some left!" Spencer said, bringing his mug closer to him.

Aaron felt himself take a full breath and realized he hadn't quite been getting enough air. His shoulders relaxed and he knelt down in between Derek and Garcia. Derek's hand was resting on his knee a moment later and Aaron placed his hand over the top of Derek's fingers.

"I can deal you in," Garcia offered, her smile a little too forced and her eyes sad.

"That's alright. I'd rather watch you play," Aaron said. He adjusted his stance so he was leaning against the side of one of the armchairs and slightly closer to Derek. The pack all scooted closer in response until they had formed a close and quiet circle.

The game continued, the soft slap of the cards against each other and requests for more cards or raising the bet - that JJ was keeping track of on a small pad of paper - the only sounds other than the fire crackling.

When they finished JJ got up and brought him coffee as well as more pillows for the floor while Spencer played a lightning fast game of solitaire and then advanced into a series of tricks with the cards that caught all of their attention. Spencer almost seemed to slip into another persona as he manipulated the cards and performed slight of hand tricks. It was remarkable, Aaron thought as he watched. He hoped that the quiet and sly confidence they were witnessing now would someday overtake the shyness and uncertainty that they saw more often when Spencer interacted with most people.

"You're good," Garcia said, looking impressed as Spencer plucked the card he'd shown them from the center of the pack. "I'm going to have to keep a more careful eye on you. I didn't know you knew how to be sneaky."

Spencer grinned and flushed at the same time before he recovered control over his expression. "It's not me you need to keep an eye on," he said, using a discreet hand to point in JJ's direction.

"I already knew she was a cheat, but I didn't know you had the skills too," Garcia said, getting a goodnatured complaint from JJ in response. Aaron chucked and felt Derek trying not to laugh too hard next to him.

"I grew up in Vegas, what do you expect?" Spencer asked with a shrug, not quite having lost the confidence from his performance. He shuffled the cards flashily before neatly returning them to the deck.

They pack grew quiet again and their attention turned to Aaron.

"Jason will be back at Quantico on Monday. He's taking a weekend up at his cabin so he can rest and heal," Aaron said, unfortunately aware that he had slipped into his team leader voice. "Spencer, he regrets that he wasn't able to let you know where he was going, but I'm sure he'd rather apologize to you in person."

Spencer nodded, his eyes falling to the floor and focusing on the deck of cards.

"But he's coming back to the BAU right? To the team?" Garcia asked, her voice wavering slightly.

"He is," Aaron said. He debated about saying anything more but from the way none of them seemed pleased that Jason was supposed to return, he figured that they already got the gist.

Derek patted Spencer's shoulder and then got to his feet, a little more slowly and carefully than he would have in uninjured but otherwise showing no indication that he was hurting. "I'm going to start some lunch," he said.

"I'll help," Garcia added and started to collect the empty coffee mugs.

Aaron shook his head and touched Garcia's knee. "Why don't you and JJ and Spencer stay in here for a little bit, maybe see if you can't get one of them to show us their secrets to winning at poker. I'll help Derek."

"Okay," Garcia said, giving Aaron a considering look. After a moment she settled back down next to JJ.

Aaron collected the empty mugs, including Spencer's - to his obvious dismay - and went into the kitchen.

Derek looked up from where he was rummaging for something in the cabinet. "He'll be back on Monday, huh? If it was anyone other than Gideon you would have kicked our asses and dragged us back here."

Aaron inclined his head because that much was true. "Sandwiches with soup?"

"Tuna melts and tomato?" Derek asked, holding up two cans of tomato soup.

Aaron nodded and got out the bread while Derek peered back into the cabinet. "There's more you should know, but we'll talk about it later," Aaron added once they were both standing next to the stove. He glanced to the hallway to indicate that there was more than one person in the house with the ability to listen in on their conversation from another room.

"Okay," Derek said. He picked up the can opener and a can of tomato soup. "I trust you. You'll do whatever the pack needs."

Aaron walked the few steps to close the gap between him and Derek and gently traced the edge of the bandage on Derek's forehead. "I will always try to do what is best for the pack, and for us, and for you."

"I know," Derek sat simply. He set aside the can and can opener and leaned into Aaron's touch.

*****

It wasn't until much later that night when everyone had settled and gone to bed that Aaron got the chance to broach the topic of Spencer living with them. Aaron had listened until he'd heard both JJ and Garcia's breathing slow and deepen and another thirty minutes after that until Spencer finally dropped off to sleep as well.

Aaron turned and found Derek still propped up against the pillows but the book he'd been reading was sitting closed on his lap.

"Do you need to sleep?" Aaron asked, keeping his voice pitched quiet so he wouldn't wake any of the pack who had shifter enhanced hearing.

Derek shook his head and dropped the book on the nightstand. "Somehow I'm just not very interested in an action thriller tonight," he said, waving his hand to the picture of a man on top of a speeding train on the front cover.

Aaron smiled and decided not to comment on Derek's choice of literature. "I'm sure if you asked, Garcia would be more than happy to lend you one of her quasi-historical romance series." Well, he wouldn't comment much.

Derek raised his eyebrows suggestively. "You'd better be careful or I might just do that. And then I'll be expecting you to ride a horse and wear a sword and a ruffled lacy shirt in order to woo me."

They both laughed, mostly because it was clear that Derek had no better idea than Aaron what actually happened in those books other than what they could tell from the pictures on the cover. "Could be worse, I suppose. Could be police detective novels," Aaron admitted.

Derek nodded in agreement and the smile slipped from his face. "There was more about Gideon. He's leaving, isn't he? Not just the team but the pack too."

"Not right away, but he'll go when he feels it's necessary. It won't be without warning, but it will probably be quick when it happens." Aaron sighed and feeling slightly selfish hoped that Jason would stay with them longer than he seemed to think. "He wants Spencer to come stay with us."

Derek considered it for a moment. "That's not such a bad thing. That's what we were eventually aiming for, right? And I'd feel more comfortable if Spencer came home with us, especially if Gideon might just go running off like this again."

"I think that Spencer staying with us is a good idea as well, in theory," Aaron said cautiously. "However, I don't think it's fair to him, or to us, to have him living here without any idea of what type of relationship we're hoping to have with him in the future."

"That seems reasonable," Derek said. He sighed, his frown deeper now.

"What is it?" Aaron asked. He moved closer to Derek and traced the edges of a purpling bruise on Derek's forearm.

Derek watched the path of Aaron's hand, his eyes flickering as he thought. "I guess I'd hoped we'd have more time. He seems less intimidated by you now, and he's gotten more comfortable with sitting closer to the team, but I don't know that he's going to say yes to moving in with us knowing that we want to open our relationship to him."

"If he's not, then we'll do damage control and JJ and Garcia have a guest room that he can use until he decides he wants to live by himself or if he eventually wants to move in with us," Aaron said, trying to remain as detached as possible.

Derek reached across Aaron and turned off his bedside lamp. "I don't really like that possibility," he said into the darkness.

"Me neither," Aaron agreed, though his thoughts were deeper in the realm of scaring Spencer away from the pack entirely. He didn't think it was likely to happen, but the possibility weighed on him.

"Tomorrow," Derek said, moving so that they were comfortably entangled. "We'll think of something."

Aaron tucked his arm under his pillow and leaned back, waiting for the moment that he felt his pack sleeping around him.

*****

Spencer sat in the bigger armchair in the living room, his feet tucked up underneath him as he leaned against the side of the chair. Whenever Hotch saw him sit like this he shook his head and said that his knees ached just looking at him. Spencer always just shrugged and said that he was more comfortable sitting like this, which was true, though after spending an evening reading about the psychology of body language he'd tried to stop. He'd given up on the whole idea after spending a week looking like an idiot putting his legs down every time he noticed they'd crept up to join him on the seat. It wasn't like he sat unprofessionally where other people could see him and Derek had stressed that he was supposed to make himself comfortable in the pack home.

He had a book spread open in his lap, something he'd already read but didn't mind looking through again while he thought. JJ and Garcia had gone back to their home after breakfast and when Spencer had asked them if they would mind dropping him back at Gideon's house Aaron had said that he should at least stay put for the rest of the day. JJ had touched his hand before she left and Garcia had pulled him into one of her all encompassing hugs that had nearly sent him into a small panic attack the first time she'd done so.

Derek had shifted a short time later and had ran through the snow in the backyard for twenty minutes before coming in with clumps on snow stuck in his fur and settled down on the rug in Hotch's office. Hotch, freshly showered and dressed, had offered to let Spencer sit with them in his office while he took care of some paperwork, but Spencer had declined and retreated to the living room instead. It felt too much like being a kid; sitting on the floor and leaning against the large wooden desk in his mom's office when she'd been well enough to work. He remembered her office at the university; he would sit on the floor out of sight while she met with students and spend hours reading all the books on the shelves he could reach.

Shaking his head, Spencer forced his eyes back to the text in front of him and read a few chapters until the rhythm of the words lulled him back to safer thoughts. It was still a little strange, he thought as he turned a page. Sharing his life with a group of people, or even one other person, was not something he was used to yet. At the university he'd always had a room to himself and even though he was living surrounded by people there wasn't anyone who knew him. With the exception of the resident's advisor who had kept an eye out for him when he was under eighteen, no one had noticed when he'd come and gone or what he did with his time. And, after the first semester, Spencer had just slipped a note in the folder on the advisor's door when he got back to the dorms in the evening. Even when he'd been living with his mom, it had been different; in a lot of ways it had been like living alone.

Now, he heard the sound of voices when he walked into the kitchen, and there was always someone asking him a question or saying hello when he sat at the table. Occasionally he was woken by the sounds of four or eight paws racing through the house, and usually Hotch's voice calling after them a moment later. Spencer could feel his cellphone in his pocket, the plastic digging slightly into his thigh. He hadn't called Hotch or Derek yesterday, hadn't even thought about it. When he was on a case with the team, if he wasn't already standing right next to the person he needed to talk to, calling them using his phone would have been the next obvious step. Yet, when he needed their help, he had got bundled up and been grateful that he'd memorized the public transportation schedule for the area.

There were plenty of reasons he could pinpoint psychologically as to why this had happened the way it did, but there was one at the forefront of his mind that kept interrupting his cautious dissection of the rest. He'd been fifteen and away at the university working on master's degrees. It was a holiday - a long weekend - and most of the campus was shut down except for the essentials. Spencer had considered going home but he had big projects due that he had needed to work on - this was mostly the truth and he clung to the explanation out of necessity. Two days into the weekend he'd gotten sick; a high fever, vomiting, and shaking weakly. The schools health clinic was closed and there wasn't anyone Spencer knew still in the dorms. He had, of course, gotten himself dressed and walked down to the bus stop and taken the bus to the clinic downtown that the school health insurance plan would cover.

Spencer knew how to take care of himself; letting other people help him and letting them close enough to do so was something he was finding much more difficult.

A small noise caught Spencer's attention and he looked up from the book he'd been staring at for some time now without reading. Derek, in his wolf form, was sitting next to the couch with his chin resting on the armrest and his nose wiggling slightly as he sniffed in Spencer's direction.

Spencer closed his book and swung his feet down to the floor. He was more used to seeing Gideon, JJ and Garcia's forms than anyone else's. Hotch and Derek usually shifted together when they went out to run in the forest behind the backyard, though Derek was prone to running through the house in his form with JJ and Garcia. JJ and Garcia would stay put and rest in their forms, whereas Derek was usually pacing or exploring. "Hey," he said quietly. He wasn't really sure how much the rest of the team understood when they were in their forms. His own memory of the time he spent as a leopard was still infuriatingly foggy and even then he couldn't be sure if it would be the same for shifters with different forms.

Derek stood and walked over to Spencer, titling his head up. After a moment he leaned in so that his weight was against one of Spencer's legs.

"You're heavy," Spencer told him clearly, a little big surprised at exactly how much weight Derek was pressing against him. He used one hand to push at Derek's side and Derek resettled himself so that he was leaning more on the chair than on Spencer. "Thank you."

Derek rested his nose against Spencer's knee and gave a short whine.

Spencer leaned down, trusting the Derek was cognizant enough in his form that he wouldn't attack him, and looked at the gash in Derek's fur above his eye. He touched the side of Derek's head, well away from the wound and gently rubbed behind Derek's ears like he'd seen people do with dogs. When Derek's eyes closed, clearly enjoying himself, Spencer smiled and laughed a little bit. He wondered if he would be able to shift without a pressing need soon. Whenever he tried he could still feel the hook inside of him, centered in his chest, but he couldn't reach for it without it slipping away.

"Hey," Spencer said when Derek pressed his nose to Spencer's knee again, and Spencer felt the cold dampness through the fabric of his pants. After a moment he slid down to the floor and let Derek arrange his front half across Spencer's legs. Derek was still heavy but most of his weight was on the floor. Spencer pet the fur down Derek's back, a little surprised at how coarse it was against the skin of his hands and wrists. The fur closer to Derek's stomach, now dry after the snow had melted, was softer, but Spencer mostly stuck to running his hands over Derek's back; it was strange enough to think he was basically petting his friend and coworker's back without adding in rubbing his stomach as well.

Spencer was so lost in the sensation of the warmth of having a wolf half in his lap that he completely missed Hotch's entrance. He froze, suddenly wishing he knew more about shifter etiquette. He often wished there was more information published or available about shifters and partially felt that the whole secrecy about shifting was unnecessary. Not wanting to be studied or used in laboratory research was understandable, but would it really be so terrible if someone had told him that shifting was necessary before he got ill from not shifting? Or if someone had told him whether or not touching your pack leader's mate in his form was some kind of grave offense?

Hotch didn't looked offended, just curious in that silent and a little bit daunting way that he had. "Were you interested in lunch now, or would you rather eat later?"

"Later," Spencer said immediately. He had discovered that for the first two weeks or so after he shifted he was hungrier and eating came easily. Then, he'd start to forget to eat again because he didn't feel hungry and soon after he'd notice that he found it harder to wake in the mornings again. The last time he'd shifted had been Christmas even though Gideon and Derek had sat with him on their occasional free weekends and led him through guided meditation and sensory expansion.

Derek looked up at Spencer when Spencer spoke and pushed himself up so they were sitting at eye level. He pressed his nose against the side of Spencer's face before standing up and briskly trotting out of the room.

Spencer waited until Derek was gone before he wiped his face with his shirt sleeve and pushed himself back up onto the chair. "Sorry," he said, not quite meeting Hotch's gaze.

"You don't need to apologize," Hotch said. He sat down on the couch but didn't look away from Spencer.

Feeling a little unsettled with Hotch watching him, Spencer placed the book he'd been flipping through on the end table and pulled his feet back up onto the chair. He sat, trying to think of something to say that was relevant. "Did you know that Isaac Asimov is the only author to have a book in every category of the Dewey-decimal system?" He pointed to the book on the end table and inwardly cringed - that wasn't even remotely relevant.

The corners of Hotch's mouth twitched upwards. "No, I didn't know that. I imagine there is a lot of things about Isaac Asimov that are pretty interesting if he wrote on so many subjects."

Spencer paused, trying to decide if Hotch was making fun of him in that oblique way that he didn't always catch right away. Deciding that Hotch was at least politely interested, Spencer sorted through everything he could recall reading about Asimov and picked out the most interesting facts about both the man and his works.

Derek reappeared before Spencer could get to some of the more significant theories about Asimov's science fiction works. He was dressed in clothes that mean he wasn't planning on shifting in the immediate future and had forgone a bandage to cover the wound on his forehead. It looked more healed than it had at breakfast that morning. He sat next to Aaron and smiled a similarly soft smile as Spencer finished his thought.

"That's really interesting," Aaron said when Spencer stopped speaking, sounding like he actually meant it.

Spencer returned the smile and wondered why he suddenly felt like he was being watched like a scientist might observe an experiment. He almost thought that if he suddenly leapt up and spun in a circle or did something equally outlandish, all Aaron and Derek would do is nod thoughtfully and make a notation in observation notebooks.

"Spencer, we have something we'd like to discuss with you," Aaron said, turning briefly to Derek.

"Gideon's not coming back, is he?" Spencer asked, feeling a little bit like he'd been hit in the chest.

Both Aaron and Derek blinked, their expressions revealing their surprise only briefly. "Jason will be back at the BAU tomorrow, just like I said yesterday," Aaron said.

Spencer licked his lips and breathed out, suddenly feeling his heart thump in his chest even though he knew that his heart wasn't beating any different now than it had been a moment ago. "Okay," he said, at a complete loss as to what they wanted to tell him.

Derek and Aaron looked at each other again before Derek leaned forward and met Spencer's eyes. "Gideon will be back at the BAU tomorrow, but he's likely going to leave the team and the pack at some point. It might be a few months, or maybe a few years. He thought that it might be better in the long run if you were to move in with us, and we think that's a good idea too."

"However, we wanted to address a few things before you made a decision about where you want to live. Rest assured this is not your only option," Aaron added.

"Okay," Spencer said. He was partially relieved that Gideon hadn't just disappeared and the last way he would have seen him was injured and agitated the evening they'd come home after the bomb had exploded. It had taken a few months to do some searching for apartments but he had yet to find anything that was close enough to public transportation and cheap enough for him to afford by himself - not to mention his schedule made any type of dedicated apartment seeking almost impossible. Living with Derek and Aaron wouldn't be too bad, but he guessed that Aaron was about to tell him to that his conduct with Derek was inappropriate and needed to cease regardless of how long he wound up living with them. Spencer braced himself and looked up at Aaron.

"You're aware that Derek and I are mates, but as I'm sure you're also aware, Derek has feelings for you that are beyond the reach of friendship and members of the same pack," Aaron started, his tone as serious as when he gave briefings in front of police departments.

Derek sighed. "Will you let me do this?"

Aaron placed his hand on Derek's knee and leaned back in acquiescence.

"Spencer, I like you, and I'm pretty sure you like me too. I'd like it if we could become closer. Close your mouth and let me finish," Derek said when Spencer's mouth opened, either from surprise or from desire to say something. "Aaron likes you too, though I know the two of you are still sorting yourselves out. The important point here is that Aaron and I are interested in our relationship expanding so that you are a third member."

Spencer stared, his mind racing to try and make sense of what Derek was saying.

"It's not our intent to make you uncomfortable in any way, nor to pressure you. We're more than willing to move at whatever pace you feel comfortable with, or not at all if that's what you decide. We just felt you should know our intention to broach the subject with you so you could decide if you felt comfortable living with us," Hotch said.

"Can I have some time to think about this?" Spencer felt himself ask. The whole conversation seemed like some kind of a strange dream. Maybe he'd shifted and this was just a dream as a result of falling asleep in his form resting with Derek and Hotch. He wasn't too clear on the entire subject of dating, never having actually been in what he would consider a serious relationship, but he didn't think that a committed couple asking another person to join their relationship was typical. Maybe it was another shifter cultural thing, or a wolf thing.

"Of course," Derek said quickly. "As much as you need."

"Neither offer is contingent upon the other. If you decide that you would like to live with us, but still need time to think about the relationship aspect, that's fine. Or if you'd like to stay somewhere else while you consider everything, we can arrange that as well." Hotch twisted his hand under Derek's so they were holding hands. "This isn't a passing interest for us, we've considered the possibilities and potential ramifications and we wouldn't be making this offer if we didn't think it would be a good thing for all of us. We can't promise that it will work out or that it will be easy, but we would like to try if you would."

Spencer swallowed and tucked his legs up close to his chest so he could wrap his arms around them. "I understand," he said, even though he wasn't sure that he did at all.

"You want us to hang around with you, or do you want to be alone for a bit?" Derek asked. The sympathy in his expression suggested he had guessed exactly how overwhelmed Spencer was feeling.

"I think I want to be alone for a while, if that's okay?" Spencer asked. He untucked his limbs and stood, a little bit unsteady. He wondered if he was about to shift, but he didn't feel anything like the hook coming forward to drag him under. Instead he just felt confused and a little bit shaken.

"That's fine. We're here if you want to talk," Hotch said.

Spencer walked quickly out of the living room and into the hallway. He looked around and considered going upstairs to the room where he slept when he stayed at Hotch and Derek's house, but that reminded him too much of fleeing home and into his bedroom after a day of being tormented at school. He walked through the kitchen and the dining room and found himself on the converted back porch.

Sitting down on the rug where he sat when he meditated, Spencer looked out the windows to the backyard. The sky was clear and the snow was crisp and frozen. He could see holes in the snow where members of the pack had leapt and landed on the small rises and tumbled through the low bushes.

Hotch and Derek had both seemed absolutely sincere when they'd made their offer, so why did it feel almost like when people would make snide remarks about him? He'd gotten used to being a curiosity, or something that could be shown off by professors who happened to be advising him. At worst, he'd been a threat or a menace; something that had to be reminded its place or handled or dealt with somehow. As grateful as Spencer was to be at the BAU and with the team, he had to admit that even Gideon had recognized him as pack and then as an asset to the team. There hadn't really been anything about him as a person that had caused Gideon to chose him.

Spencer brushed the strands of hair away from his eyes and brought his head up from where he'd been hunched over. He liked Derek, more than he should like a man who was already in a relationship. He liked Hotch, as a boss and as a pack leader, and he could see that as potentially becoming more as well. He felt safe with both of them and as happy as he could remember being. But he didn't understand why they wanted him. They were already getting everything he had, just by him being a member of the pack and the team.

Closing his eyes, Spencer sat taller and went reaching for the quiet, still space that JJ and Gideon had been teaching him to reach for. He ignored the hook that should lead to his form and instead focused on being quiet and blank. It was strange to hear nothingness echo in his mind when there was usually a cacophony of thoughts, but it was also far more restful.

*****

He didn't know how long he'd been sitting when he heard quiet footsteps enter the room. The warmth of a blanket being placed around his shoulders was enough to rouse him from the calm and quiet he'd found and he opened his eyes to find Hotch settling down across from him.

"Feeling any better?" Hotch asked. His tone was different than usual. When Hotch spoke, even just among the pack, there was almost always a sense of reservation, like Hotch was stopping to filter everything through the mental lens that he was their leader. Now Hotch seemed more like he was speaking directly to him, like Spencer was just another person that he knew and was having a conversation with.

"Yes," Spencer said after he'd had a moment to check. Even now as he reprocessed the same information he'd been presented with earlier, he felt less panicked and out of control. He still didn't have any idea what it meant.

Hotch nodded, taking in Spencer's posture and expression and clearly coming to the same conclusion. "Derek and I would have liked to presented that better, and we wouldn't have brought it up so soon if it weren't for the situation with Jason. If you're more comfortable staying with JJ and Garcia tonight, they have space and I'm more than happy to drive you over to their home."

Spencer instantly shook his head. JJ and Garcia were incredible - they were what he imagined having sisters would be like, caring for him and annoying him all in the same breath - but he didn't think that living with them was a good idea. "I'd rather stay here with you and Derek, if that's alright; at least until I find a suitable apartment."

"That's fine. Like we said, we're happy to have you here no matter what you decide," Hotch said. "I thought I might sit with you and try to help guide you towards your form, if you'd like? It's been a while since you last shifted."

"Okay," Spencer agreed uncertainly. "You've never tried to help me shift before. Why?"

Hotch seemed momentarily surprised by the question. "I didn't want to accidentally compel you to shift. I'm not sure that I could have initially, but while you were first attempting to find your form the possibility was there. Now that you're more aware of what shifting feels like it will be easier for you to feel me guiding you."

Spencer considered this, turning the information over in his mind and redefining what he thought he'd understood. "Why would have compelling me to shift be a bad thing?"

"For one, it's a very unpleasant experience. Shifters don't typically recall the physical sensation of changing form with good reason. The transformation your body undergoes is usually lost to memory recall in either form, but when a shifter is compelled to their form, they will remember what that felt like. After being compelled there is sometimes a pathological fear of shifting that can increase problems with control over shifting," Hotch said. His voice was steady, but he was focusing past Spencer's shoulder and out the side window. "A pack leader is typically the only one that can compel a shifter to change their form, though there have been incidents were three or four shifters in a pack were able to compel a lone shifter. For the most part a leader will only compel one of their own pack members to shift if the shifter has completely lost their ability to shift and would die without the intervention."

Shifting wasn't explainable by any science that Spencer had seen or read, but the sheer physics that it would take to contort a human body into something smaller made him wince a little. He had never really given any thought to why shifting didn't hurt and now that he was considering it he didn't want to dwell for too long on the idea. There were a lot of disturbing ideas and images that came along with being a member of the BAU without imagining his body being turned into something just larger than a house cat. "You said that you didn't think you would accidentally compel me now?" he asked, warier of Hotch's offer of help than he had been a few minutes ago.

"Now that you're aware of the sensations of shifting you'll be better able to shield yourself from outside intrusion. You'll be able to feel me guiding you towards the hook, as you called it, and will instinctively move to protect it from being disturbed. Before, when you didn't know what you were reaching for, neither of us would have been able to stop me from coming too close," Hotch explained.

Spencer nodded, because that made as much sense as anything involving shifting did. He closed his eyes and sat straight again, resting his hands on his knees as he prepared to reach in towards the hook that he could vaguely sense. It was a little bit like looking at a picture with an illusion hidden inside; he knew the picture was there, he just had to focus his eyes right in order to see it.

"Actually, go ahead and keep your eyes open this time. I'm going to sit a little bit closer and I'd like to touch your hands, if that's alright?" Aaron asked, waiting for Spencer to nod his permission before he moved closer.

They wound up sitting so that their knees were almost touching. Spencer held his hands out palms up and watched as Aaron cupped them in his own hands.

Aaron brought their hands down so they were resting in the space directly in the center, his thumbs gently exploring the skin and bones along the outer edge of Spencer's hands. "Aim for the relaxed state that you were in before while remaining aware of both me and of the sensation of our hands touching. We're trying for a controlled shift rather than just triggering a condition that forces you to shift."

Spencer immediately understood the difference. He needed to be able to shift when he wanted to instead of needing a set of circumstances that forced him to do so. He felt around the edges of the space that was the closest he could get to the hook without losing it entirely. A moment later he was surprised to feel another presence there, nudging his attention away from the hook.

"Leave that alone for now. You know it's there, you don't need to check. Focus here, on our hands," Aaron said.

Spencer's eyes went back to watching his hands in Aaron's. The backs of his hands were warm where they rested against Aaron's palms. Occasionally Aaron's fingers would fold up, bringing Spencer's hands almost closed before they relaxed once more. It took several minutes before he stopped finding it strange that someone was just sitting there holding his hands and he was able to relax again.

"There you go," Aaron said, his voice soft and warm. "Now, I'm going to guide you back towards the hook. I'll do all the movement, all you need to do is let yourself be pushed along."

It was a sensation that Spencer couldn't quite place where he was feeling. His hands curled up of their own accord as he was slowly guided closer to the hook and he felt Aaron's hands moving to stay in contact with his.

"You're right there. Reach for the hook with no intention but to touch it," Aaron instructed. He had gone absolutely still, his hands still holding Spencer's but his presence just barely out of contact.

Spencer moved towards the hook and looked up to meet Aaron's eyes in surprise as he touched the edge of it and felt himself being pulling towards his form. A few seconds later Aaron was guiding a small leopard out from under the heap of clothing that had been left behind when Spencer had shifted.

*****

Section Seven & Epilogue