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Reflections in Darkness - Criminal Minds - Gen (Derek Morgan) - Words: 2,219
Written for dark_fest; Prompt: Any fandoms, any characters, You can't escape yourself in the dark.
Summary: Sometimes their job provides more information about his coworkers than Derek Morgan ever wanted to know.
Content Notes: allusions to child abuse. PG-13
Author Notes: Happens concurrently with Darkness in Memory though that should be read first. Takes place early season two, with references to s02e06: The Boogeymen, and allusions to s02e12: Profiler, Profiled.
On AO3: Reflections in Darkness
It was a paperwork day, everyone on the team at their desks writing reports, catching up on filing and getting everything prepared to be submitted to the Section Chief. Morgan wasn't exactly sure what it said about himself that he was almost wishing for a case to be assigned to their team so they could pack up and head off to hunt down someone who was terrorizing people in another part of the country. It would be better than sitting still and rehashing the past few cases, typing up all the minute details of the interviews they'd conducted and how they knew where to find the unsub when they'd found him. Better than writing about examining the scenes of the people who had died because they weren't quick enough to save them, no matter how impossible it would have been for them to catch the unsub before the last two victims had died. On the jet back to Quantico, Reid had said something about the statistical probabilities of when they would catch certain types of unsubs, which Morgan had managed to listen to for about a full minute before he'd put his headphones on and turned up his music. They'd done the best they could, and they were the best out there. That was all that needed to be said.
Morgan looked up from his computer screen, where the cursor sat blinking in the same space that it had been for the past ten minutes. Elle was sitting at her desk, her hair falling forward as she bent over a file, apparently attempting to decipher her own handwriting on the notes she'd made. Reid's desk was vacant, a stack of files spread out in an atypical mess. He'd disappeared a little while ago after a detailed yet incomprehensible explanation as to why he wanted to find a file that could offer some insight into the unsubs background. Why Reid felt the need to do more research after they unsub was already dead, Morgan didn't exactly understand, though he knew they all had different ways of handling how cases sat in their minds. Reid turned it all into academic thought and statistics, Hotch filed it away and completely compartmentalized it, and Morgan, well he tore down walls in houses and kicked down doors and practiced sparring until he felt a little better about the situation.
The light from his computer screen winked out, followed by the rest of the lights in the room. A clap of thunder that could be heard throughout the building followed, and Morgan realized that what had only been a moderate rain storm when he'd arrived in the morning had turned into something much larger. He grabbed his flashlight from his desk drawer, even as the emergency lighting flickered to life, and across the aisle he could see Elle doing the same. Doors from across the top of the walkway, where many of the private offices were situated, opened and Morgan saw Hotch and JJ come out and look down over the bullpen. Gideon showed up a minute later, walking over to stand next to Hotch and making a quick glance over the team. It reminded Morgan a little of going through a dark house or building as a team, all of them calling clear as soon as their areas were swept. It served a dual purpose; knowing that the unsub wasn't in the locations that they checked and hadn't been given an opportunity to move and hide, and knowing that all of the team members were safe.
He reached for his phone, about to call Garcia to make sure that she was alright, when she showed up at his side already waving to Hotch and Gideon.
"How's it going, baby girl?" he asked, echoing the resulting smile that appeared on her face at the greeting.
"Well, fortunately I'd just finished backing up when everything went down, so well enough. The weather services says that the wind knocked out the lines and they're having a little bit of trouble with some of back-up generators. They're estimating we'll be in the dark for around three hours." Garcia's smile dimmed. "I don't quite know what to do without my windows to the world. It's like all the blinds have been drawn."
Morgan gave her a sympathetic smile and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders. "Your phone has internet, doesn't it? It's not quite the same, but it's something." At least without electricity it gave them all an excuse to avoid paper work and report writing for a few more hours.
Garcia grinned. "Way ahead of you, I've already had various news servers and databases set up to send me relevant information directly through texts and email."
"Well there you go," Morgan said, releasing his hold on Garcia as Hotch came down the steps and approached their group.
"Have you seen Reid?" Hotch asked, his eyes flickering briefly to Reid's vacant desk and then back to Morgan.
Morgan shook his head and pulled out his cellphone, selecting Reid's name from his contact list and holding his phone to his ear as it rang. A moment later a buzzing sound came from Reid's desk and Hotch walked over, pulling Reid's phone from under a file folder.
Morgan hung up with a frown and waved his flashlight towards the doors. "He went down looking for a file. I'll go make sure he's alright."
Hotch nodded his assent and moved to check in with Elle as Morgan walked smoothly out of the room, only letting his steps speed up as he hit the stairwell.
Morgan wasn't one of those agents who spent a lot of time digging through the old case files, he preferred his thoughts to be focused on the present and currently happening, but he'd been down there a few times searching for files that were directly relevant, such as copy-cat bomb builders. Morgan wasn't absolutely certain, but he knew the basement hadn't been renovated for a long time and had his doubts about whether or not any kind of emergency lighting had been installed. And, he could clearly recall Reid explaining that he was still afraid of the dark with a kind of twisted bravado, even though his eyes were clearly begging them not to make too much fun of him for it.
Sure enough, when he reached the doors to the basement, there was no sign of light inside. He held up his flashlight and swung it around, hoping to come across Reid almost immediately, but without any such luck. It was never that easy, not when it came to finding unsubs, not when it came to anything in their line of work.
"Reid!" Morgan called, pausing and listening carefully, hoping that Reid was close enough to hear him. He walked to one of the doorways, as both were open, and swung his flashlight around inside. "Reid!"
There was no response. He walked over to the other door and shouted again. If he didn't find Reid sooner rather than later he'd call up and have Hotch join him with another flashlight. He was sure that Reid wouldn't want a ton of people looking for him, but he remembered Reid citing the reason for his fear as 'the inherent absence of light'. It was a very Reid way of deflecting the question and effectively closing the subject, but it also made Morgan a little nervous. Reid was one of those people who was honest to a fault and completely without guile, one of those people who didn't usually realize the value of misdirection. So, for Reid to not have simply answered with whatever had left him afraid of the dark was telling enough that something had happened that he didn't want the team to know about.
A quiet sound caught Morgan's attention and he swept the light across the room. There was no sign of Reid, no indication that he'd been this way at all, but after a moment there was another sound which was clearly a voice calling out. Morgan followed the noise, moving from room to room and checking through all the shelves and corners before waiting to hear the voice again to determine which way he needed to go next.
Finally, his light fell on Reid, who was huddled in a ball in the corner of one of the rooms. He was pressed against the shelf and the wall, his arms wrapped around his legs and curled up so tight that Morgan had no idea how Reid had managed to contort his long limbs in such a way.
"Mom, no. Stop," Reid was moaning and as Morgan moved closer, he could see that Reid had a death grip on one of his own arms, his fingers digging into his skin in a way that must have been painful.
Morgan swallowed back the rising sickness and anger he could feel welling up within. Reid was obviously having a flashback of some type, relieving a memory that being trapped in the dark had triggered. Empathizing, probably more than he should have, Morgan knelt down next to Reid and called to him. Touching him was probably not the way to go, physical contact with Reid was always received iffy at best and Morgan was starting to get an disturbing sense of why. "Reid," he said again, a little louder as he tried to make himself over Reid's whimpers.
Deciding that he was lacking in choices and it was probably best to do whatever necessary to bring Reid out of it sooner rather than later, Morgan rested his hand on Reid's shoulder and shook him gently. "Reid, open your eyes."
After a moment, Reid's eyes sprung open, immediately landing on the light of Morgan's flashlight. They stayed there, seeming to drink in the light, before they darted up to Morgan's face. "Morgan?" Reid asked, sounding uncertain.
"You alright?" Morgan asked, knowing without a doubt that Reid was not alright. He could see the sheen of sweat across Reid's forehead; his heavily dilated eyes and trembling hands were testament to how panicked Reid had been.
"Fine," Reid answered, sounding just as uncertain as before.
Morgan helped Reid to his feet as he explained about the storm knocking out the power, noticing Reid wiping his hands on his pants but not commenting on it. What could he possibly say? Noticing that Reid was still fixated on the flashlight that Morgan held, he passed it over without comment, not missing how Reid's shoulders relaxed a little as he clung to the light.
He led the way back out, keeping talk to a minimum, but also watching Reid a little more carefully than he usually did. The sound of Reid's calls for his mom to stop, whatever it was that she had been doing, still echoed in Morgan's mind, leaving him rigid and nauseous. Reid had brought his mother to the BAU only a few months ago, they'd all seen how she was, all made connections between how Reid must have grown up and his current behaviors and personality. But, he'd never really stopped and considered that it might have been more than just growing up with a single parent who was mentally ill, never allowed him to consider the other factors that mental illness was sometimes associated with. Because it was Reid, and Reid had never presented himself that way. But then, Reid had also kept his mother's condition a secret from the team for longer than Morgan would have thought possible, and probably would have kept that secret forever if that case hadn't come up.
When they reached the bullpen and the area where their desks were situated, Hotch and Gideon both took one look at Reid before turning to Morgan while Reid made a beeline for his desk. Morgan gave a half shrug that meant there wasn't anything he could say at the moment and went to his own desk, sinking into his seat and suddenly wishing there were reports to write so he could distract himself from the whirlwind that had been unsettled in his mind. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Gideon taking perfunctory care of Reid and turned back to flipping through the stack of files on his desk, not really seeing the words in front of him.
After the storm had abated enough that they could leave, Morgan found himself parked across the street from Reid's apartment building, watching Reid move around within. All of the lights were turned on, and Morgan could see the flickering of the tv in the background even though Reid wasn't watching it at all. He sat and watched Reid for a long time, the practice from a variety of stakeouts making it easy for him to lose time as he stayed focused on the target. Even as it grew late, Reid showed no signs of heading to bed, or of turning off any of the lights. Morgan considered going and knocking on Reid's door, dragging them both out for dinner and doing something to make things better. But, he knew as well as anyone that nothing simply made things better, and he started his car instead. He started back to his own place, deep in the process of pushing thoughts away from him as he drove.
Written for dark_fest; Prompt: Any fandoms, any characters, You can't escape yourself in the dark.
Summary: Sometimes their job provides more information about his coworkers than Derek Morgan ever wanted to know.
Content Notes: allusions to child abuse. PG-13
Author Notes: Happens concurrently with Darkness in Memory though that should be read first. Takes place early season two, with references to s02e06: The Boogeymen, and allusions to s02e12: Profiler, Profiled.
On AO3: Reflections in Darkness
It was a paperwork day, everyone on the team at their desks writing reports, catching up on filing and getting everything prepared to be submitted to the Section Chief. Morgan wasn't exactly sure what it said about himself that he was almost wishing for a case to be assigned to their team so they could pack up and head off to hunt down someone who was terrorizing people in another part of the country. It would be better than sitting still and rehashing the past few cases, typing up all the minute details of the interviews they'd conducted and how they knew where to find the unsub when they'd found him. Better than writing about examining the scenes of the people who had died because they weren't quick enough to save them, no matter how impossible it would have been for them to catch the unsub before the last two victims had died. On the jet back to Quantico, Reid had said something about the statistical probabilities of when they would catch certain types of unsubs, which Morgan had managed to listen to for about a full minute before he'd put his headphones on and turned up his music. They'd done the best they could, and they were the best out there. That was all that needed to be said.
Morgan looked up from his computer screen, where the cursor sat blinking in the same space that it had been for the past ten minutes. Elle was sitting at her desk, her hair falling forward as she bent over a file, apparently attempting to decipher her own handwriting on the notes she'd made. Reid's desk was vacant, a stack of files spread out in an atypical mess. He'd disappeared a little while ago after a detailed yet incomprehensible explanation as to why he wanted to find a file that could offer some insight into the unsubs background. Why Reid felt the need to do more research after they unsub was already dead, Morgan didn't exactly understand, though he knew they all had different ways of handling how cases sat in their minds. Reid turned it all into academic thought and statistics, Hotch filed it away and completely compartmentalized it, and Morgan, well he tore down walls in houses and kicked down doors and practiced sparring until he felt a little better about the situation.
The light from his computer screen winked out, followed by the rest of the lights in the room. A clap of thunder that could be heard throughout the building followed, and Morgan realized that what had only been a moderate rain storm when he'd arrived in the morning had turned into something much larger. He grabbed his flashlight from his desk drawer, even as the emergency lighting flickered to life, and across the aisle he could see Elle doing the same. Doors from across the top of the walkway, where many of the private offices were situated, opened and Morgan saw Hotch and JJ come out and look down over the bullpen. Gideon showed up a minute later, walking over to stand next to Hotch and making a quick glance over the team. It reminded Morgan a little of going through a dark house or building as a team, all of them calling clear as soon as their areas were swept. It served a dual purpose; knowing that the unsub wasn't in the locations that they checked and hadn't been given an opportunity to move and hide, and knowing that all of the team members were safe.
He reached for his phone, about to call Garcia to make sure that she was alright, when she showed up at his side already waving to Hotch and Gideon.
"How's it going, baby girl?" he asked, echoing the resulting smile that appeared on her face at the greeting.
"Well, fortunately I'd just finished backing up when everything went down, so well enough. The weather services says that the wind knocked out the lines and they're having a little bit of trouble with some of back-up generators. They're estimating we'll be in the dark for around three hours." Garcia's smile dimmed. "I don't quite know what to do without my windows to the world. It's like all the blinds have been drawn."
Morgan gave her a sympathetic smile and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders. "Your phone has internet, doesn't it? It's not quite the same, but it's something." At least without electricity it gave them all an excuse to avoid paper work and report writing for a few more hours.
Garcia grinned. "Way ahead of you, I've already had various news servers and databases set up to send me relevant information directly through texts and email."
"Well there you go," Morgan said, releasing his hold on Garcia as Hotch came down the steps and approached their group.
"Have you seen Reid?" Hotch asked, his eyes flickering briefly to Reid's vacant desk and then back to Morgan.
Morgan shook his head and pulled out his cellphone, selecting Reid's name from his contact list and holding his phone to his ear as it rang. A moment later a buzzing sound came from Reid's desk and Hotch walked over, pulling Reid's phone from under a file folder.
Morgan hung up with a frown and waved his flashlight towards the doors. "He went down looking for a file. I'll go make sure he's alright."
Hotch nodded his assent and moved to check in with Elle as Morgan walked smoothly out of the room, only letting his steps speed up as he hit the stairwell.
Morgan wasn't one of those agents who spent a lot of time digging through the old case files, he preferred his thoughts to be focused on the present and currently happening, but he'd been down there a few times searching for files that were directly relevant, such as copy-cat bomb builders. Morgan wasn't absolutely certain, but he knew the basement hadn't been renovated for a long time and had his doubts about whether or not any kind of emergency lighting had been installed. And, he could clearly recall Reid explaining that he was still afraid of the dark with a kind of twisted bravado, even though his eyes were clearly begging them not to make too much fun of him for it.
Sure enough, when he reached the doors to the basement, there was no sign of light inside. He held up his flashlight and swung it around, hoping to come across Reid almost immediately, but without any such luck. It was never that easy, not when it came to finding unsubs, not when it came to anything in their line of work.
"Reid!" Morgan called, pausing and listening carefully, hoping that Reid was close enough to hear him. He walked to one of the doorways, as both were open, and swung his flashlight around inside. "Reid!"
There was no response. He walked over to the other door and shouted again. If he didn't find Reid sooner rather than later he'd call up and have Hotch join him with another flashlight. He was sure that Reid wouldn't want a ton of people looking for him, but he remembered Reid citing the reason for his fear as 'the inherent absence of light'. It was a very Reid way of deflecting the question and effectively closing the subject, but it also made Morgan a little nervous. Reid was one of those people who was honest to a fault and completely without guile, one of those people who didn't usually realize the value of misdirection. So, for Reid to not have simply answered with whatever had left him afraid of the dark was telling enough that something had happened that he didn't want the team to know about.
A quiet sound caught Morgan's attention and he swept the light across the room. There was no sign of Reid, no indication that he'd been this way at all, but after a moment there was another sound which was clearly a voice calling out. Morgan followed the noise, moving from room to room and checking through all the shelves and corners before waiting to hear the voice again to determine which way he needed to go next.
Finally, his light fell on Reid, who was huddled in a ball in the corner of one of the rooms. He was pressed against the shelf and the wall, his arms wrapped around his legs and curled up so tight that Morgan had no idea how Reid had managed to contort his long limbs in such a way.
"Mom, no. Stop," Reid was moaning and as Morgan moved closer, he could see that Reid had a death grip on one of his own arms, his fingers digging into his skin in a way that must have been painful.
Morgan swallowed back the rising sickness and anger he could feel welling up within. Reid was obviously having a flashback of some type, relieving a memory that being trapped in the dark had triggered. Empathizing, probably more than he should have, Morgan knelt down next to Reid and called to him. Touching him was probably not the way to go, physical contact with Reid was always received iffy at best and Morgan was starting to get an disturbing sense of why. "Reid," he said again, a little louder as he tried to make himself over Reid's whimpers.
Deciding that he was lacking in choices and it was probably best to do whatever necessary to bring Reid out of it sooner rather than later, Morgan rested his hand on Reid's shoulder and shook him gently. "Reid, open your eyes."
After a moment, Reid's eyes sprung open, immediately landing on the light of Morgan's flashlight. They stayed there, seeming to drink in the light, before they darted up to Morgan's face. "Morgan?" Reid asked, sounding uncertain.
"You alright?" Morgan asked, knowing without a doubt that Reid was not alright. He could see the sheen of sweat across Reid's forehead; his heavily dilated eyes and trembling hands were testament to how panicked Reid had been.
"Fine," Reid answered, sounding just as uncertain as before.
Morgan helped Reid to his feet as he explained about the storm knocking out the power, noticing Reid wiping his hands on his pants but not commenting on it. What could he possibly say? Noticing that Reid was still fixated on the flashlight that Morgan held, he passed it over without comment, not missing how Reid's shoulders relaxed a little as he clung to the light.
He led the way back out, keeping talk to a minimum, but also watching Reid a little more carefully than he usually did. The sound of Reid's calls for his mom to stop, whatever it was that she had been doing, still echoed in Morgan's mind, leaving him rigid and nauseous. Reid had brought his mother to the BAU only a few months ago, they'd all seen how she was, all made connections between how Reid must have grown up and his current behaviors and personality. But, he'd never really stopped and considered that it might have been more than just growing up with a single parent who was mentally ill, never allowed him to consider the other factors that mental illness was sometimes associated with. Because it was Reid, and Reid had never presented himself that way. But then, Reid had also kept his mother's condition a secret from the team for longer than Morgan would have thought possible, and probably would have kept that secret forever if that case hadn't come up.
When they reached the bullpen and the area where their desks were situated, Hotch and Gideon both took one look at Reid before turning to Morgan while Reid made a beeline for his desk. Morgan gave a half shrug that meant there wasn't anything he could say at the moment and went to his own desk, sinking into his seat and suddenly wishing there were reports to write so he could distract himself from the whirlwind that had been unsettled in his mind. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Gideon taking perfunctory care of Reid and turned back to flipping through the stack of files on his desk, not really seeing the words in front of him.
After the storm had abated enough that they could leave, Morgan found himself parked across the street from Reid's apartment building, watching Reid move around within. All of the lights were turned on, and Morgan could see the flickering of the tv in the background even though Reid wasn't watching it at all. He sat and watched Reid for a long time, the practice from a variety of stakeouts making it easy for him to lose time as he stayed focused on the target. Even as it grew late, Reid showed no signs of heading to bed, or of turning off any of the lights. Morgan considered going and knocking on Reid's door, dragging them both out for dinner and doing something to make things better. But, he knew as well as anyone that nothing simply made things better, and he started his car instead. He started back to his own place, deep in the process of pushing thoughts away from him as he drove.
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