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Out of Options - Criminal Minds - Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid - Words: 1,157
Written for Angst Bingo; Prompt: Giving Up
Summary: Watching someone else sink is almost worse than sinking yourself.
Content Notes: None. PG-13
Author Notes: Takes place in late season six, but no specific spoilers.
On AO3: Out of Options
There were times Derek didn't ask what was wrong. Sometimes he did because it was important to solve problems before they got too big. But sometimes Spencer didn't answer or couldn't answer, and Derek had to learn to accept that when it happened.
They were in bed; Spencer hadn't gone further than the kitchen during the three days they had off and even that was rare. After getting coffee, and maybe a slice of toast if Derek got there in time to press it into Spencer's hands, he wandered back to the bedroom and dropped back down. He'd stayed in pajama bottoms and a long shirt all weekend, having changed when they'd gotten in just past midnight on Thursday, and the one time he showered he'd gotten directly back into the clothes. There was a stack of books by Spencer's side of the bed, there was always a stack there that changed out on a regular basis, but the same single book had been out on the nightstand for the entire weekend. Overall, Derek wasn't sure if it was the lack of reading or the way Spencer just laid still with his eyes open and unfocused that concerned him more.
Actually, if Derek had to pick something that concerned him it would be the way Spencer came to him at night. Neither of them were big on cuddling or touching when they were asleep. They each had their own half of the bed and typically only strayed to the other side when there was mutual interest. But each night that weekend when Derek had been halfway asleep, most of his attention devoted to listening to Spencer shift restlessly, Spencer had tentatively crept across the bed and pressed himself against Derek's back. He had waited a moment, curious to see what Spencer was doing, but when Spencer merely curled up with his long limbs tucked under his body, Derek rolled over and wrapped an arm around him. Derek hadn't stayed awake the whole night, but whenever he surfaced Spencer was still awake.
And now it was Sunday evening and they were supposed to be back in Quantico the next day. Derek wasn't sure that Spencer had actually gotten much sleep despite the hours he'd spent in bed, and from the way he looked more drawn and limp than he had by the end of the case it seemed likely he hadn't gotten any rest even if he had slept. Derek had been solving the Sunday crossword puzzle, something Spencer usually enjoyed 'helping' him with. Which mostly meant that Spencer peered over his shoulder and told him the answers faster than he could write them down. This time when Derek read the clue and letter count aloud, because Spencer was sprawled flat on the mattress with his pillows pushed away entirely, he received a single monotone answer. No backstory, no other pieces of trivial knowledge that came with it, and none of the excitement at solving a puzzle and knowing the answers which was the only reason Derek did the Sunday crossword to begin with.
He dutifully finished the puzzle, because they always finished the Sunday crossword even if they were on the jet or on a much needed break while on a case, and set the paper and the book he'd used as a writing surface aside. He waited a moment, just watching as Spencer's chest rose and fell smoothly and his eyes blinking erratically like he sometimes forgot he was supposed to.
"Going to tell me what's going on in here?" Derek finally asked, leaning in and running his hand through Spencer's hair. Being touched there, softly and with his fingers slightly curled as if he was petting a temperamental cat, was something that seemed to soothe Spencer. Derek only broke it out when Spencer was seriously upset or spiraling, and even then only when they were safely tucked away in bed.
Spencer gave a one shoulder shrug in response, but his eyes fluttered in response to Derek's hand.
"I know things have been hard lately," Derek offered. He'd long ago learned not to guess at what was bothering Spencer. Spencer had this way of twisting things around in his mind until they were so hopelessly convoluted that it sometimes took Derek a while to even make the connections that Spencer was trying to explain. Instead, it was usually best to give him as many openings as possible and wait to see the response. Of course, that only worked when Spencer was actually speaking.
Spencer's head nodded ever so slightly under Derek's hand.
They sat together for another hour as it grew dark outside, the light from the hallway filtering into the room just enough that the room wasn't too dark for Spencer.
"I'm not sure I can go back," Spencer said as if he were continuing a conversation that they'd just been having.
Derek ran his hand through Spencer's hair again as he processed the words. It wasn't what he'd been expecting; part of a case that was bothering him, concerns about his own mental health, or something about struggling with the lingering depression that had settled over the team in the past few weeks were at the top of Derek's list. But not going back to the team hadn't even crossed his mind.
"You can call Hotch in the morning, tell him you're taking some vacation time. I can too," Derek said after a moment. Because it wasn't like they didn't both have a lot of vacation time built up. Their jobs were too important and they were needed too much for them to be able to justify to themselves taking time off that wasn't recovering from injury or handling family responsibilities. And even if Spencer objected to him taking time off as well, there was no way he was about to let Spencer spend a week lying in bed without someone there with him.
Spencer shook his head. "I don't just mean tomorrow."
Derek fought the tension from his body and kept his hand steady at the back of Spencer's scalp. "I know. But maybe after a little time you'll feel ready to go back. And if you don't, there are other things you can do."
Spencer shook his head again, this time pulling away from Derek's touch. "I can't leave," he said, his voice almost rasping as if the words were hard to get out.
Not bothering to hide his sigh, Derek rested his hand on Spencer's arm to keep him from fleeing entirely. "If you can't stay and you can't leave, what is your other option?"
Spencer didn't need to verbalize the answer that they both already knew. Dark fell outside and Derek spent the parts of the night he was awake holding Spencer and wondering if should call in for the week for both of them in the morning. He wondered if it would make a difference even if he did.
Written for Angst Bingo; Prompt: Giving Up
Summary: Watching someone else sink is almost worse than sinking yourself.
Content Notes: None. PG-13
Author Notes: Takes place in late season six, but no specific spoilers.
On AO3: Out of Options
There were times Derek didn't ask what was wrong. Sometimes he did because it was important to solve problems before they got too big. But sometimes Spencer didn't answer or couldn't answer, and Derek had to learn to accept that when it happened.
They were in bed; Spencer hadn't gone further than the kitchen during the three days they had off and even that was rare. After getting coffee, and maybe a slice of toast if Derek got there in time to press it into Spencer's hands, he wandered back to the bedroom and dropped back down. He'd stayed in pajama bottoms and a long shirt all weekend, having changed when they'd gotten in just past midnight on Thursday, and the one time he showered he'd gotten directly back into the clothes. There was a stack of books by Spencer's side of the bed, there was always a stack there that changed out on a regular basis, but the same single book had been out on the nightstand for the entire weekend. Overall, Derek wasn't sure if it was the lack of reading or the way Spencer just laid still with his eyes open and unfocused that concerned him more.
Actually, if Derek had to pick something that concerned him it would be the way Spencer came to him at night. Neither of them were big on cuddling or touching when they were asleep. They each had their own half of the bed and typically only strayed to the other side when there was mutual interest. But each night that weekend when Derek had been halfway asleep, most of his attention devoted to listening to Spencer shift restlessly, Spencer had tentatively crept across the bed and pressed himself against Derek's back. He had waited a moment, curious to see what Spencer was doing, but when Spencer merely curled up with his long limbs tucked under his body, Derek rolled over and wrapped an arm around him. Derek hadn't stayed awake the whole night, but whenever he surfaced Spencer was still awake.
And now it was Sunday evening and they were supposed to be back in Quantico the next day. Derek wasn't sure that Spencer had actually gotten much sleep despite the hours he'd spent in bed, and from the way he looked more drawn and limp than he had by the end of the case it seemed likely he hadn't gotten any rest even if he had slept. Derek had been solving the Sunday crossword puzzle, something Spencer usually enjoyed 'helping' him with. Which mostly meant that Spencer peered over his shoulder and told him the answers faster than he could write them down. This time when Derek read the clue and letter count aloud, because Spencer was sprawled flat on the mattress with his pillows pushed away entirely, he received a single monotone answer. No backstory, no other pieces of trivial knowledge that came with it, and none of the excitement at solving a puzzle and knowing the answers which was the only reason Derek did the Sunday crossword to begin with.
He dutifully finished the puzzle, because they always finished the Sunday crossword even if they were on the jet or on a much needed break while on a case, and set the paper and the book he'd used as a writing surface aside. He waited a moment, just watching as Spencer's chest rose and fell smoothly and his eyes blinking erratically like he sometimes forgot he was supposed to.
"Going to tell me what's going on in here?" Derek finally asked, leaning in and running his hand through Spencer's hair. Being touched there, softly and with his fingers slightly curled as if he was petting a temperamental cat, was something that seemed to soothe Spencer. Derek only broke it out when Spencer was seriously upset or spiraling, and even then only when they were safely tucked away in bed.
Spencer gave a one shoulder shrug in response, but his eyes fluttered in response to Derek's hand.
"I know things have been hard lately," Derek offered. He'd long ago learned not to guess at what was bothering Spencer. Spencer had this way of twisting things around in his mind until they were so hopelessly convoluted that it sometimes took Derek a while to even make the connections that Spencer was trying to explain. Instead, it was usually best to give him as many openings as possible and wait to see the response. Of course, that only worked when Spencer was actually speaking.
Spencer's head nodded ever so slightly under Derek's hand.
They sat together for another hour as it grew dark outside, the light from the hallway filtering into the room just enough that the room wasn't too dark for Spencer.
"I'm not sure I can go back," Spencer said as if he were continuing a conversation that they'd just been having.
Derek ran his hand through Spencer's hair again as he processed the words. It wasn't what he'd been expecting; part of a case that was bothering him, concerns about his own mental health, or something about struggling with the lingering depression that had settled over the team in the past few weeks were at the top of Derek's list. But not going back to the team hadn't even crossed his mind.
"You can call Hotch in the morning, tell him you're taking some vacation time. I can too," Derek said after a moment. Because it wasn't like they didn't both have a lot of vacation time built up. Their jobs were too important and they were needed too much for them to be able to justify to themselves taking time off that wasn't recovering from injury or handling family responsibilities. And even if Spencer objected to him taking time off as well, there was no way he was about to let Spencer spend a week lying in bed without someone there with him.
Spencer shook his head. "I don't just mean tomorrow."
Derek fought the tension from his body and kept his hand steady at the back of Spencer's scalp. "I know. But maybe after a little time you'll feel ready to go back. And if you don't, there are other things you can do."
Spencer shook his head again, this time pulling away from Derek's touch. "I can't leave," he said, his voice almost rasping as if the words were hard to get out.
Not bothering to hide his sigh, Derek rested his hand on Spencer's arm to keep him from fleeing entirely. "If you can't stay and you can't leave, what is your other option?"
Spencer didn't need to verbalize the answer that they both already knew. Dark fell outside and Derek spent the parts of the night he was awake holding Spencer and wondering if should call in for the week for both of them in the morning. He wondered if it would make a difference even if he did.
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